WHY Me?

[Sandra M. Bueno]

Have you ever asked yourself "why me?"

Do you stay with the question in your mind about why something is happening to you and why you were chosen to live out that particular experience and circumstance?

Do you ever use perception as your weapon of choice to battle the demons when hope seems lost and sadness reigns?

I determined a long time ago that everything that happened in my life was a gift that would always serve a higher purpose. I now recognize it is time.

Even in the darkest hour, an unforseen environment, a doubtful encounter and a dangerous situation, I always relied on God's spirit over my life to protect me and keep me unharmed.

As it was, I remember when I was perhaps 17 years-old and I visited Manhattan. As I strolled for make-believe shopping in the garment district off 38th Street, I went inside a women's dress shop that was being tended by a man of Arab descent.

After speaking with him, he urged me to try on the dresses I was looking at. He wanted to give me one of them, he said. Not having an agenda, and wanting a dress, I said "ok."

I remember he locked the front door; it was only he and I. He began to tell me how he was attracted to me.
How I had a nice figure.

I also remember that as I began to get undressed, I suddenly felt an inner panick in my heart. I remember realizing that I was in a position of potential danger, and at the same time, praying to God to help me and to not let anything bad come to me because of my choices. I began speaking to him through the curtains, afraid that at any moment he would come inside.

Like most any young girl, I continued speaking, acting like nothing was going on, trying not to arouse suspicion, but getting the man to answer me so that I would know where he was standing. As it was, he was right above the curtain peering down at me.

When I finally came out to show him, as he had requested, I knew there was not much I could do but to try to get out.

Not wanting to prolong my angst and the possibility for him to do anything to me, I hastily got dressed, came out and proceeded to the door where he had to come to let me out. I told him I was planning to come back later.

I tell you now that I feared for my life. I feared that he would rape me and that others were there inside.
Nothing happened and I thanked God. I believe it was because my mother always prayed for my safety and well-being. So many times, in so many places around the world, I exposed my life to danger.

I never thought about the consequences because I trusted God was with me. In retrospect, I know his spirit has always been with me, despite the chances I took. Today though, I don't test my luck as much. I believe I have lived and learned and I do not want to be in a position where my spirit feels fear and my conscience feels what it has felt before.